My New Life

It's another hot afternoon.Long time since I was deprived of the centralised AC of my office.Yes,one major drawback of quitting job,besides getting bored to death and inventing new ways to die.

Waking up,jumping on the weighing scale,sighing,switching on the PC,checking mails(as it is non-working people like me dont get many emails),trying to show-off my high level of productivity on Farmville via Facebook,a cursory glance towards Orkut(it has become rather obsolete),watching out for friends' birthdays,cursing job-sites for their irrelevant job-postings,eating a saintly diet of curd and cucumber,cursing KKR for losing like perfect losers,lamenting my own life for being what it is,counting positives,taking a walk and a smoke in the evening,hunting down whoever's free to spend some time with me,driving our new car fearfully(lest i dent or scratch it),getting hold of anything and everything readable,and abusing my PC keyboard and my powerful-eyes.Oh,not to forget the ever increasing mobile and internet bills due to these activities of mine.

And to add to all woes and worries,my mom's constant reminders as to how all her friends' and sisters' and relatives' children are getting married and "settling down".As if they were suspended particles in the atmosphere before marriage!

Even taking up mundane and previously boring and taxing jobs like tidying and dusting the house is becoming a little freakish.Must device something very soon to help me stay grounded to sanity.

Khwab ho tum ya koi haqeeqat.....

What is a relationship??? Can it be pre-defined? Or is the definition circumstantial? “Circumstantial Evidence”! Whew! Sounds like Murder! Many people I know, who are not very comfortable with their Relationships, might actually agree to that. “Relationships are Murder of Privacy and Peace-of-mind”. To be honest, I’m personally very bad at Relationship Management. I keep doing the wrong things and expect people to understand. When they don’t, I simply mark them as insensitive. I get angry, lonely, dejected, defensive. Then why, you might wonder, do I think I’m qualified to write all this? For only One Reason. When people do any wrong towards me, no matter to what extent they go, I try to understand and evaluate their behavior rationally. I don’t claim to be an ever-forgiving saint. That would be cheeky enough to drive everyone away from me. But I do try, as much as possible, before giving up.

Like me, every individual has their own Relationship Management ( henceforth referred to as RM ) mechanism. Then again, there are different kinds of relationships. What I can expect to do and get away with, when my Maa is concerned, I better not dare the same with my Boyfriend! It is of utmost importance to recognize a relationship and choose a course of RM action accordingly. Since we are all human beings with Emotions, more or less, we tend to be judgmental. But before getting sentimental and tormenting ourselves with thoughts like “how could he hurt me”, or “how could she say like that! She is my best friend for 13 years now!”, or “if I cant be open and honest with my mother, then to whom should I confide?”, People, make an effort to stop and think, “he/she is an Individual first. Did I really make an effort to bring him/her on the same plane of understanding that I am standing on, before breaking the news?”. “Is it really possible for me to stand in her/his shoes and retrospect?” “Did I really make an effort to understand her/him, before expecting to be understood?” Well, Emotional creatures that we are, we often fail to stop and think. We just Expect others to understand. And yes, we so freely castigate them for being insensitive towards our needs. So, isn’t it just obvious that when all of us are following this same trail of thoughts, Relationships are supposed to, fall apart, left and right.

RM is a lot like Cricket. You select the players, you position the fielding, you strategize, but whether the batsman delivers a sixer, or a nick off the bat to be caught by the slip, is only decided on the spot. And it’s a live game. No “Restart” buttons, unfortunately. But then, the most important things in our life come without a “restart/refresh” button. And when all goes astray, we can only tell ourselves, “the best is yet to happen”. Now, I am a very positive thinking person and really do believe it to be so. For the not-so-optimistic, all I can say is, “B+….come to me, and I will heal all ills”. Sounds like Agony Aunt ( that was my intention ).

Now you might wonder what made me so serious about relationships!? You know, what they say about facing your worst fear. Instead of running away from it, solve it once and for all. My last honest attempt was at losing my excess body-weight. And after one month of facing it, and starting to tackle with it, I’m still going strong and steady about it. So now I decided to take up my next problem, which has been staring at me since a long time now. And there have been added spice to the topic of late, courtesy, love-life and family-life of some of my friends, who often turn to me in search of solace and salvation. But nevertheless, while thanking me for my unconditional love, support and notwithstanding my astronomical mobile phone bills, they don’t fail to remind me that I never Practice what I Preach. And that if only I could do that, my Life would be nothing short of a Utopia!

But alas! I’m a mere mortal with my endless follies and fallacies. Life has taught me to be patient. Life has proved time and again that Time is a Healer. But most importantly, I have learned never to retaliate when I’m angry or upset. Trust me, off late it has saved me from a lot of repentance and curses. But then again, I slipped, I tripped and I fell. I said things that I didn’t mean to, and I meant things that I never said!

Ummmm......Ahem...Lend me your (ears)eyes - 2

HELLO!!!!!!!!! :-)

Don’t be fooled by the “smiley” in the heading! I am definitely not in a mood to crack a joke and watch as you roar with laughter. So do not expect anything ( THIS IS A DISCLAIMER). Like Someone told me once, “do not expect anything…….and you will be happy with whatever you get”. I’m sure All of you want to be Happy!

Its been a really long time since I actually wrote at length with a Real pen on Real Paper! Have long abandoned the habit of confiding in Dear Diary. That was a childhood game I used to play. Or maybe, I had a lot to pen down in those olden days! As my age edged towards the wrong side of 20’s( what makes it the ‘wrong’ side though? ), I realized that I had too much tears and agonies and complaints to fill my Dear Diary with. Poor Dear Diary. Had I continued tormenting her any more, psychiatric help would surely have been necessary ( though the same is at hand in the form of my Uncle! ). When compared, I found that the number of Joyous occasions seemed to diminish to such an insignificant number, that it seemed to me a waste of resources, which of course included my Precious Time, that I quit. I QUIT!!!

But what is it that they say about introverts? Oh yes…I remember ( my memory fails me these days…advanced age syndrome – AAS ), I do seem to be a boisterous & eloquent persona, but, since I have decided to be honest herein, let me declare that I have never known a more introvert character in my Entire Life!!!!!!
Yes, I am supposedly very outspoken, honest( this remains constant ) and pragmatic person – I AM all these, but only when it concerns Other people. When it comes to spitting My heart out, there just don’t seem anyone worthy around – anyone worthy of understanding what I feel ( or is it the other way round? I am Mental enough not to be understood by Anybody ? ).Well, you may call me Proud ( or Mental ), or even Weird, but I have always considered Myself as Unique! Now don’t expect me to jot down points to prove the point, but if you know me well, enough, and even if you hate to admit it, you KNOW, I am Indeed Unique.

No, I am not writing this to prove my uniqueness. I refuse to be a pompous a**! The point remains that Introverts like me should always maintain a Diary. Or we might get a little fuzzy in the head. You know, a little zany. And to tell you the truth, these days I have actually been feeling a bit funny inside my Head, so I thought I would write. And since my dear PC is not with me in this poorly developed locality called Gurugram(name changed for the sake of anonymity) ( yes, they don’t have a cyber-café here! I prefer to blame it on the rich and pompous professionals inhabiting this place with a lappy slung over each of their shoulders ), I had to resort to sweet old Pen & Paper. God knows how many trees were fell to create these sheaf of papers which I am scrawling on, in my illegible handwriting. What a shame to a Life Form! I only hope that Abhishek Bachchan, or rather Idea, wont get any info about this anti-green attitude of mine!!!! However to show that I am still on side of Green, I am using a Green Pen!

What was the point of saying so many things? Was there a purport to this piece of writing? Well, I thank you All for your time and patience. Be back sometime soon for more of my non-sense. I really Love to irritate you 

Cheerios!!!!!!!
:-D