“Ei shon, porshu bikele ora toke dekhte ashbe”, office theke firtei maa bollen……..Shanghatik ekta sentence, jeta tomar jibon take puro-puri olot-palot kore rekhe debe. Tumi obaak hobe, sheta muhurter modhye panic e bodle jabe, jeta khub shiggiri birokti te porinoto hobe, ebong shob sheshe mukher bhetore ekta bhalo-na-laga taste.
Tomra nishchoi bujhecho etokkhone je ami kisher kotha bolchi. Hyan, biyer kotha. Ekta bishuddho Bangali motey’r arranged marriage. Er theke kono chharan-chhoron nei. Biye to kortei hobe. Tao chele hole na hoy mane chilo, biye na korleo chole. Kintu ekti bhodro-barir tanaya o-bibahito theke ajibon norok-jontrona o shomaaj’er bibhinno bipod-apod er shommukheen hobe, ta ki kore hoy!!! Meye’tar baba-maa je Shwarge giyeo shanti paben na!!! Ta hok na meye professionally qualified, MNC te chakurirota, othoba nijer cheshtay, nijer paye darano. Ekta meye’r jibone chakri kokhonoi pradhanyo pete pare na. Chele hole na hoy onno kotha chilo. Amar didi’ma pray’i bole thaken “byata chele sonar chaand khabe dudher shor,meye-chele mati’r dhela jabe porer ghor”. Shey kotha alada je dudher shor khete motei bhalo lage na amar, ba amar dada’r.
Ar arranged marriage! Amar ek mashtuto bon bolechilo ekbar, “college life e time ta constructive bhabe katale,ekhun eto jhamela hoto na”. Kintu ki ar kora, amader college e pod’er chele kom’I chilo. Ontoto amar chokhe to poreni. Tarpor post graduation, chakri – hoy amar takey pochondo hoyni, noy tar amake opochondo! Ei tana poren’e kete gelo koto-gulo bochor. Jiboner durmulyo basanta’r kichu bochor. Koto chatting, koto dating,bondhu’der through diye alaap – kintu na, bhobi bholar noy.
Ogotya ei lekhar prothom line’er srishti. – ora dekhte ashbe. Heshe dekhao, hete dekhao, boshe dekhao, bole dekhao, chokher drishti’te dekhao, hater bhongima’te dekhao. Ajkal abar hater kaj , gaan geye dekhanor jug chole geche. Je khabar gulo dekhne’wala’der poribeshon kora hoeche, sheta meye’r hater toiri kina, erom proshno to bhabai gorhito kaj. Eishob lokeder “insensitive” bole chihnito kora hoye thake. Etao ek obak kando je meye dekhte eshe cheler baba o maa shob shomoy asha koren je meye nishchoi randhan korme potiyoshi. Bhule jay je meye’ti’o tader chele’r moto’I ador-jotne lalito-palito. Tar baba-ma’o takey lekha-pora shikhiye manush korechen. Tar o ekti individuality ache. Takey tar maa temon’i jotno kore ranna kore khaiyechen, jotota chele’r maa. Kintu manob choritro boroi odbhut ebong jotil. Tai jokhon maa bollen je amay dekhte ashbe, ami thik I kore nilam je best policy holo keep the conversation simple and to the point.
Ebar dekhte eshe ki holo-na-holo, that is another story altogether. But ekhane we are only concerned with marriage – process of arranged marriage.
Prem jokhon korte paroni, bachha, tokhon meye dekhte to ashbei tomake. Proshno korbei. Jobab ta mono-moto na holei bipod. Maa bolben, chakri-bakri koro, ekta proshner intelligent uttar’o dite paro na! As if chakri kori bole ami shadharon ekta bhoy-pawa( dekhte esheche bole ) meye’r cheye alada. As if office e amader biyer interview’er training deoa hoy! Bojho byapar!!!
Chele jodi baba-maa’r shonge elo to bhalo. Noile abar tara bolben “amra to dekhlam,kintu bujhtei parchen, chele’r pochondo’i main”. Arre baba, tai jodi hoy to chele’ke niye elen na keno? Jar mot’ta important tar’i to asha uchit, naki?
On the whole, amar mone hoy,it is grossly unfair to blame any failure of this process on the girl. Taar motamot ebong preferences er upor shob cheye beshi nojor rakha uchit. Chele’r pochondo holei meye ke hyan bolte hobe, eta kono kotha noy. Meye’r pochondo hoeche kina, that is of utmost importance.
Tobe bondhugon, amar ei shob kotha shune bhebo na je amar barir lok dictatorship chalay amar opor. Onara besh liberal, ei ekta bishoye. Oboshyo amio besh tiara meye. Kono kothai shoja-shuji manyo kora amar dhatei shoy na :-) And I totally respect my family for respecting my likes and dislike in this arranged-marriage byapar.
Tomra nishchoi bujhecho etokkhone je ami kisher kotha bolchi. Hyan, biyer kotha. Ekta bishuddho Bangali motey’r arranged marriage. Er theke kono chharan-chhoron nei. Biye to kortei hobe. Tao chele hole na hoy mane chilo, biye na korleo chole. Kintu ekti bhodro-barir tanaya o-bibahito theke ajibon norok-jontrona o shomaaj’er bibhinno bipod-apod er shommukheen hobe, ta ki kore hoy!!! Meye’tar baba-maa je Shwarge giyeo shanti paben na!!! Ta hok na meye professionally qualified, MNC te chakurirota, othoba nijer cheshtay, nijer paye darano. Ekta meye’r jibone chakri kokhonoi pradhanyo pete pare na. Chele hole na hoy onno kotha chilo. Amar didi’ma pray’i bole thaken “byata chele sonar chaand khabe dudher shor,meye-chele mati’r dhela jabe porer ghor”. Shey kotha alada je dudher shor khete motei bhalo lage na amar, ba amar dada’r.
Ar arranged marriage! Amar ek mashtuto bon bolechilo ekbar, “college life e time ta constructive bhabe katale,ekhun eto jhamela hoto na”. Kintu ki ar kora, amader college e pod’er chele kom’I chilo. Ontoto amar chokhe to poreni. Tarpor post graduation, chakri – hoy amar takey pochondo hoyni, noy tar amake opochondo! Ei tana poren’e kete gelo koto-gulo bochor. Jiboner durmulyo basanta’r kichu bochor. Koto chatting, koto dating,bondhu’der through diye alaap – kintu na, bhobi bholar noy.
Ogotya ei lekhar prothom line’er srishti. – ora dekhte ashbe. Heshe dekhao, hete dekhao, boshe dekhao, bole dekhao, chokher drishti’te dekhao, hater bhongima’te dekhao. Ajkal abar hater kaj , gaan geye dekhanor jug chole geche. Je khabar gulo dekhne’wala’der poribeshon kora hoeche, sheta meye’r hater toiri kina, erom proshno to bhabai gorhito kaj. Eishob lokeder “insensitive” bole chihnito kora hoye thake. Etao ek obak kando je meye dekhte eshe cheler baba o maa shob shomoy asha koren je meye nishchoi randhan korme potiyoshi. Bhule jay je meye’ti’o tader chele’r moto’I ador-jotne lalito-palito. Tar baba-ma’o takey lekha-pora shikhiye manush korechen. Tar o ekti individuality ache. Takey tar maa temon’i jotno kore ranna kore khaiyechen, jotota chele’r maa. Kintu manob choritro boroi odbhut ebong jotil. Tai jokhon maa bollen je amay dekhte ashbe, ami thik I kore nilam je best policy holo keep the conversation simple and to the point.
Ebar dekhte eshe ki holo-na-holo, that is another story altogether. But ekhane we are only concerned with marriage – process of arranged marriage.
Prem jokhon korte paroni, bachha, tokhon meye dekhte to ashbei tomake. Proshno korbei. Jobab ta mono-moto na holei bipod. Maa bolben, chakri-bakri koro, ekta proshner intelligent uttar’o dite paro na! As if chakri kori bole ami shadharon ekta bhoy-pawa( dekhte esheche bole ) meye’r cheye alada. As if office e amader biyer interview’er training deoa hoy! Bojho byapar!!!
Chele jodi baba-maa’r shonge elo to bhalo. Noile abar tara bolben “amra to dekhlam,kintu bujhtei parchen, chele’r pochondo’i main”. Arre baba, tai jodi hoy to chele’ke niye elen na keno? Jar mot’ta important tar’i to asha uchit, naki?
On the whole, amar mone hoy,it is grossly unfair to blame any failure of this process on the girl. Taar motamot ebong preferences er upor shob cheye beshi nojor rakha uchit. Chele’r pochondo holei meye ke hyan bolte hobe, eta kono kotha noy. Meye’r pochondo hoeche kina, that is of utmost importance.
Tobe bondhugon, amar ei shob kotha shune bhebo na je amar barir lok dictatorship chalay amar opor. Onara besh liberal, ei ekta bishoye. Oboshyo amio besh tiara meye. Kono kothai shoja-shuji manyo kora amar dhatei shoy na :-) And I totally respect my family for respecting my likes and dislike in this arranged-marriage byapar.
But jai bolo,biye byapar ta kintu khub ekta kharap noy.Ar keu dekhte eshe ek chance'e pochondo korleo besh bhaloi lage :-D Ar hyan,love-marriage der bolbo,arranged marriage e besh ekta buk dhuk-puk kora bhalo laga joriye ache kintu.Ektu traditional,ektu formal,kintu ei realization je relationship ta prem'eri,er modhye ekta alada romancho'kor byapar ache.
Jani, khub joga-khichuri bhashay likhlam ei lekha’ta. But that’s how I am, bhashay jokhon bhebechi, shei bhasha tei likhechi. Kajei eta amar nijer mon’er lekha. Not influenced by any external forces of decorum.
Jai hok, mohila-pathok’ra, ebong purush-pathok’ra, tomader shobai kei welcome korchi to put in any comments on this you wish to.
Love marriange ebong arranged marriage – ei dutor kono shothhik bangla shongskoron (translation) hoy na.Mul kothata biye, ar shetake ayojon (arrange) o kortey hoy ar shetakey tikiye rakhar jonno bhalobashar (love) o proyojon. “College life e time ta constructive bhabe katale,ekhun eto jhamela hoto na”. – tomar mashtuto boner ei kothata puropuri mantey parlam na.
ReplyDeleteBiye namok shamajik prokriyar maddhome amra amader projonmoke egiye niye jai ar sheta kono purush ba narir ekar pokkhey shombhob noy, tai bibaho (bonding) , orthat ekey oporer poripurok hoye dayitto shoman bhabey bhag korey neya.
Ei dayitto takey amader shomaj duto bhagey bhag korey niyeche.
EK – ortho,onno,boshon,griho e shober ayojon , protirokkha (defence) – ek kothay ghorer bairey je shob kaaj.
DUI – shongshar protipalon (nurture & sustain) – ek kothay ghorer bhetorer je shob kaaj.
Shorir ebong moner gothhoner onujayi EK kajti purusher beshi upojukto ebong DUI ti narir.
Duto kaj i shoman gurutto purno , ar proyojoney kajgulo nijeder moddhey odolbodol (interchange) korey neya jai.Ekhaney keui dudher shor / matir dhela (superior /inferior) noy.
Bhalobeshe je biye koreche she o kintu biyer agey tar shongir roop, goon , intellect, MNC(!) – shob kichu bichar korey.Tai “Ei shon, porshu bikele ora toke dekhte ashbe” shuney obak, panic , birokto hoyar ki achey?
Amar khub kachher ek didi achey jar arranged marriage hoyechilo, biyer koyek bochor por jamaibabur kaaj choley jai.Ekhon EK kajta didi kei kortey hoi. “Ekta meye’r jibone chakri kokhonoi pradhanyo pete pare na.” – kothata ekdom thhik noi.Agei likhechi ,poristhitir proyojoney EK ebong DUI ke odolbodol kortey hotei parey.
Arek dada achey jey love marriage korechilo ar biyer agey nijer prem koratakey shobar kachey khub jahir korto.Aj tara eksathey thakey na.Erokom udahoron ekhon prochur dekha jai.Tai love marriage ke beshi glorify korar kono maney hoi na.
Jai hok, bhogoban tomar mongol koruk , ar sathey amaro!!
tiirthankar
@ Tiirthankar
ReplyDeleteAmi love ba arrange-kono marriage kei glorify korte chaini.Amar ekta boktobyo holo je buye kora etota joruri keno.
Ar dayitto ghore-baire bhag kore newa uchit thik'i.Kintu onek khetrei dekha jay je the wife is doing a job as well as managing the home,while the husband is doing only the job and pretending to be too tired to lend a hand at household chores!!!That's when the division becomes very very unfair.
Ar superior-inferior er byapar ta amar invented noy.Aj o shomaje,at least India te,chele'ra onektai pradhannyo peye theke.Tader motamot i beshi mulyaban bole gonnyo kora hoy-ta shey bhai-bon er majhei hok,kimba husband-wife,kimba plain any male-female.
Tumi je malfunctioning of love & arranged marriage gulo bolecho,shegulo je bhul ta noy.but an exception cannot prove the rule!