My New Life

It's another hot afternoon.Long time since I was deprived of the centralised AC of my office.Yes,one major drawback of quitting job,besides getting bored to death and inventing new ways to die.

Waking up,jumping on the weighing scale,sighing,switching on the PC,checking mails(as it is non-working people like me dont get many emails),trying to show-off my high level of productivity on Farmville via Facebook,a cursory glance towards Orkut(it has become rather obsolete),watching out for friends' birthdays,cursing job-sites for their irrelevant job-postings,eating a saintly diet of curd and cucumber,cursing KKR for losing like perfect losers,lamenting my own life for being what it is,counting positives,taking a walk and a smoke in the evening,hunting down whoever's free to spend some time with me,driving our new car fearfully(lest i dent or scratch it),getting hold of anything and everything readable,and abusing my PC keyboard and my powerful-eyes.Oh,not to forget the ever increasing mobile and internet bills due to these activities of mine.

And to add to all woes and worries,my mom's constant reminders as to how all her friends' and sisters' and relatives' children are getting married and "settling down".As if they were suspended particles in the atmosphere before marriage!

Even taking up mundane and previously boring and taxing jobs like tidying and dusting the house is becoming a little freakish.Must device something very soon to help me stay grounded to sanity.

Khwab ho tum ya koi haqeeqat.....

What is a relationship??? Can it be pre-defined? Or is the definition circumstantial? “Circumstantial Evidence”! Whew! Sounds like Murder! Many people I know, who are not very comfortable with their Relationships, might actually agree to that. “Relationships are Murder of Privacy and Peace-of-mind”. To be honest, I’m personally very bad at Relationship Management. I keep doing the wrong things and expect people to understand. When they don’t, I simply mark them as insensitive. I get angry, lonely, dejected, defensive. Then why, you might wonder, do I think I’m qualified to write all this? For only One Reason. When people do any wrong towards me, no matter to what extent they go, I try to understand and evaluate their behavior rationally. I don’t claim to be an ever-forgiving saint. That would be cheeky enough to drive everyone away from me. But I do try, as much as possible, before giving up.

Like me, every individual has their own Relationship Management ( henceforth referred to as RM ) mechanism. Then again, there are different kinds of relationships. What I can expect to do and get away with, when my Maa is concerned, I better not dare the same with my Boyfriend! It is of utmost importance to recognize a relationship and choose a course of RM action accordingly. Since we are all human beings with Emotions, more or less, we tend to be judgmental. But before getting sentimental and tormenting ourselves with thoughts like “how could he hurt me”, or “how could she say like that! She is my best friend for 13 years now!”, or “if I cant be open and honest with my mother, then to whom should I confide?”, People, make an effort to stop and think, “he/she is an Individual first. Did I really make an effort to bring him/her on the same plane of understanding that I am standing on, before breaking the news?”. “Is it really possible for me to stand in her/his shoes and retrospect?” “Did I really make an effort to understand her/him, before expecting to be understood?” Well, Emotional creatures that we are, we often fail to stop and think. We just Expect others to understand. And yes, we so freely castigate them for being insensitive towards our needs. So, isn’t it just obvious that when all of us are following this same trail of thoughts, Relationships are supposed to, fall apart, left and right.

RM is a lot like Cricket. You select the players, you position the fielding, you strategize, but whether the batsman delivers a sixer, or a nick off the bat to be caught by the slip, is only decided on the spot. And it’s a live game. No “Restart” buttons, unfortunately. But then, the most important things in our life come without a “restart/refresh” button. And when all goes astray, we can only tell ourselves, “the best is yet to happen”. Now, I am a very positive thinking person and really do believe it to be so. For the not-so-optimistic, all I can say is, “B+….come to me, and I will heal all ills”. Sounds like Agony Aunt ( that was my intention ).

Now you might wonder what made me so serious about relationships!? You know, what they say about facing your worst fear. Instead of running away from it, solve it once and for all. My last honest attempt was at losing my excess body-weight. And after one month of facing it, and starting to tackle with it, I’m still going strong and steady about it. So now I decided to take up my next problem, which has been staring at me since a long time now. And there have been added spice to the topic of late, courtesy, love-life and family-life of some of my friends, who often turn to me in search of solace and salvation. But nevertheless, while thanking me for my unconditional love, support and notwithstanding my astronomical mobile phone bills, they don’t fail to remind me that I never Practice what I Preach. And that if only I could do that, my Life would be nothing short of a Utopia!

But alas! I’m a mere mortal with my endless follies and fallacies. Life has taught me to be patient. Life has proved time and again that Time is a Healer. But most importantly, I have learned never to retaliate when I’m angry or upset. Trust me, off late it has saved me from a lot of repentance and curses. But then again, I slipped, I tripped and I fell. I said things that I didn’t mean to, and I meant things that I never said!

Ummmm......Ahem...Lend me your (ears)eyes - 2

HELLO!!!!!!!!! :-)

Don’t be fooled by the “smiley” in the heading! I am definitely not in a mood to crack a joke and watch as you roar with laughter. So do not expect anything ( THIS IS A DISCLAIMER). Like Someone told me once, “do not expect anything…….and you will be happy with whatever you get”. I’m sure All of you want to be Happy!

Its been a really long time since I actually wrote at length with a Real pen on Real Paper! Have long abandoned the habit of confiding in Dear Diary. That was a childhood game I used to play. Or maybe, I had a lot to pen down in those olden days! As my age edged towards the wrong side of 20’s( what makes it the ‘wrong’ side though? ), I realized that I had too much tears and agonies and complaints to fill my Dear Diary with. Poor Dear Diary. Had I continued tormenting her any more, psychiatric help would surely have been necessary ( though the same is at hand in the form of my Uncle! ). When compared, I found that the number of Joyous occasions seemed to diminish to such an insignificant number, that it seemed to me a waste of resources, which of course included my Precious Time, that I quit. I QUIT!!!

But what is it that they say about introverts? Oh yes…I remember ( my memory fails me these days…advanced age syndrome – AAS ), I do seem to be a boisterous & eloquent persona, but, since I have decided to be honest herein, let me declare that I have never known a more introvert character in my Entire Life!!!!!!
Yes, I am supposedly very outspoken, honest( this remains constant ) and pragmatic person – I AM all these, but only when it concerns Other people. When it comes to spitting My heart out, there just don’t seem anyone worthy around – anyone worthy of understanding what I feel ( or is it the other way round? I am Mental enough not to be understood by Anybody ? ).Well, you may call me Proud ( or Mental ), or even Weird, but I have always considered Myself as Unique! Now don’t expect me to jot down points to prove the point, but if you know me well, enough, and even if you hate to admit it, you KNOW, I am Indeed Unique.

No, I am not writing this to prove my uniqueness. I refuse to be a pompous a**! The point remains that Introverts like me should always maintain a Diary. Or we might get a little fuzzy in the head. You know, a little zany. And to tell you the truth, these days I have actually been feeling a bit funny inside my Head, so I thought I would write. And since my dear PC is not with me in this poorly developed locality called Gurugram(name changed for the sake of anonymity) ( yes, they don’t have a cyber-café here! I prefer to blame it on the rich and pompous professionals inhabiting this place with a lappy slung over each of their shoulders ), I had to resort to sweet old Pen & Paper. God knows how many trees were fell to create these sheaf of papers which I am scrawling on, in my illegible handwriting. What a shame to a Life Form! I only hope that Abhishek Bachchan, or rather Idea, wont get any info about this anti-green attitude of mine!!!! However to show that I am still on side of Green, I am using a Green Pen!

What was the point of saying so many things? Was there a purport to this piece of writing? Well, I thank you All for your time and patience. Be back sometime soon for more of my non-sense. I really Love to irritate you 

Cheerios!!!!!!!
:-D

Paa - Social message or entertainment?

Overall, Paa is another Star to AB’s glittering cine career. But a lot of credit goes to make-up artiste, lighting personnel and cameraman as well. But then, while watching Paa we do forget Amitabh Bachchan. It is only on Auro that one’s attention is fixed. And that’s where the Big B has got the cincher. Of course apart from some close-ups where his eyes give him away.

The introductions by Jaya Bachchan were, at the best, unnecessary. It shrieks “come see, we are the great Bachchans”. They might have as well included Bahurani Aishwariya for an epilogue.

Abhishek Bachchan is definitely at his handsome best with acting quite palatable. Also Vidya Balan has successfully portrayed the single mother, though not with the usual hardships. But then the movie is not about difficulties of a single mother. Rather that problem has been overwhelmed by the sick child she has to bring up all on her own, well maybe with some support from her mother. But then the nonchalance with which Vidya Balan’s screen mom treats her unmarried daughter’s pregnancy should teach something to all the new age Indian Maa’s!
Illaiyaraja’s music was good. Subtle instead of over bearing. As an audience you are not carried away by the music, however it brings out successfully the right kind of pathos intended.

How can a child of 12 have such a profound understanding of life? Granted, a person approaching death, with the knowledge of it, has more insight into life than anybody else of his own age, especially when facing such abnormality of life like Progeria. However the expressions of a child of 12 certainly cannot match those of Amitabh Bachchan in Paa, no matter what the real life circumstances of a 12 yr old progeria struck might be facing. Adding to which his being protected by a rich and successful Doctor mother and a granny as loving as one could be. And not to mention his helpful buddies in school, and even the teachers and the Principal of the school!
But then again, it is true that children often have greater understanding of life than their grown-ups grant them credit for. Therefore Auro(AB) very well understands that his parents need to be together, with or without him.

All in all “Paa” is entertaining, that is, if you like the pathos arousing kind. Though I certainly cannot say that Paa portrays the right kind of information about Progeria, it definitely serves the social cause of bringing Progeria to the forefront and help us understand the ailing, and not be afraid of them. They are, after all, only children, and need the society’s love and support while they live.

Maa Ashchen

Maa Durga ashchen.
Agey bojha jeto sarat kaal, shona roddur, mathe-ghate cheye pora kash-ful, rod’e ekta pujo-pujo gondho – ei shob theke.
Ekhun scene ta ektu palte geche. Jekhane-shekhane road block kore rasta sharai’er kaaj, shopping mall e thela-theli, rastay barte thaka traffic jam, jaygay-jaygay re-route kore dewa rasta – karon pandal bandhar jonne amader shohore road blocking besh common byapar – police er beshi kore checking – ei shob I holo Durga pujo’r prostuti’r oti-aboshyok lokkhon. Ohho!!!! Boro ekta syndrome miss kore jachilum arektu hole – jokhon-tokhon, bibhinno size’er power-cuts!

Din-kal bodleche, manusher priority’o bodleche, Kajei Durga pujo’r lokkhon gulou je bodlabe, ete ar ashchorjo ki!!!!! Kintu loker shubidhe-oshubidhe na bujhei ei je power-cut gulo hoy, eta ki rajya sorkarer Durga pujor jonne bijli-bachao-samitee’r kaj? Amar to tai mone hoy! Shara bochor je shob jaygay kono power-cuts hoyna, ekhun dekha jachhi je shohorer shei shob elaka teo raat-bhor load-shedding cholche!

Ami ek shomoy ekti mafashshal jaygay thaktam. Shekhankar obhigyotao besh bichitro. Thik Panchami’r din theke din’e 12 ghonta kore load-shedding, on an average, jotodin Durga pujo cholche. Ki byapar? Erom keno hoy? Jana gelo je Durga pujor din guloy boro-boro shohor gulo jate aloy jhol-mol kore, bola jay alo’r bonyay bheshe jay, tai shubidher jonnie ei byabostha. Bojho byapar! Bechara chhoto shohor, tar chotto-khatto anondo gulo, jar beshir bhaag tai Durga pujor shomoy hoy, upobhog korbe bina kono badhay, tao hobar upay nei. Maa’er ei ki bichar? Tini ki tobe taar shob shontaan ke shoman chokhe dekhen na? Ki jani. Maa hoyto dekhen. Kintu ei democracy’r jugey Maa’er ichhe bodhoy mati tei mishey ache.

Tarpor dhorun amader police dada’ra. Tader kache to bodhoy Durga pujo ek dushwapno! Hyan, upori paona ektu hoy bote ( tao shobar noy ), kintu shonge khatuni ta bhabun to? Atandra praharay thakte hoy Durga pujo’r mash-khanek agye theke, ebong mash-khanek por obdhi. Ektu edik-odik hoeche ki byas – janata khepe laal! Maar’I kheye gelen hoyto dada’ra. Kajei enader o pujote nana shomoshyay porte hoy, amra eka noi.
Ar roj office jawar ar office theke ferar shomoy barte thaka traffic jam – shey jeno ek dushwapno!!!! An ideal test for patience. Je ei test e matha thanda kore utrote parbe, shey ekta achievement bole dhorte pare etake.

Ei shob niyei amader Durga pujo – mondo’r shonge valo meshano. Mondo dik gulo amader bicholito kore thik’I, kintu ei shob badha periye Maa Durga jokhon finally eshe poren, tokhon mone hoy, shob koshto sharthok! Tai ashun, shobai mile boli “Durga Maa ki – Joy”!!!!!!!

Don't tell me what it's all about

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

There's this lump, stuck in the throat, that refuses to budge. An emptiness inside. A cynic at full throttle, gurgling from within.
Consumerism is good, I argue with my friends, while promoting it towards the growth of Indian economy. But deep inside the recesses of my heart, a Voice echoes, “but consumerism has promoted packaging…..putting things ( of any quality ) into gay and brilliant drapes and fooling people”.
Me : “But what’s wrong with presenting things nicely?”
Voice : “Nothing. It’s just that packaging often takes the consumer’s mind off from the contents.”
Me : “Well, the consumer has to be careful and conscious!”
Voice : “That’s what I’m telling you! Consumers are lead astray by Packages. Consumers are not matured enough, yet”
Me : “In that case they have to attain maturity by means of trial and error……..simple”
Voice : “Is it so simple really?”
Me : “Yes. Most of the products come with a warranty/guarantee these days.”
Voice : “Most, but not All”
Me : “Those things that are not covered can be changed. You can always buy a new piece”
Voice : “But all things in life are not replaceable. If you are not careful while acquiring them, you may have to do with a faulty or damaged piece all your life”
Me : “Why should I!!! I will surely get a new piece”
Voice : “What about Love?”
Me : “What about Love?!!!!!!”
Voice : “Can you exchange it. Or buy a fresh piece?”
Me : “Ideally you cannot. But these days Love has become rather stale. Moving from hand to hand; rather heart to heart J “
Voice : “Right. A commodity, shall we say?”
Me : “Well, we may”
Voice : “And Love has not escaped the clutches of consumerism, you’ll agree, I suppose?”
Me : “Things have to be in sync, you see. Economy and Humanity run hand-in-hand. One cannot bypass the other.”
Voice : “You are indicating that Love is also controlled by Economy?”
Me : “And why not! Empty pockets are no good breeding grounds for Love. It produces under-nourished crop which cannot survive for longtime purposes”
Voice : “So, Love is not Love that breeds in the fallow lands of heart. The heart has to be cultivated to fertility, which can be achieved through money and consumerism AND packaging”
Me : “Now you are getting the drift of the times, my dear Voice. Packaging is of utmost importance. It can change the taste of the food, the smell of the perfume, the …………”
Voice ( interrupting ) : “……the person you are loving, the heart that would have been otherwise unworthy of your Love”
Me : “(ahem) I hope you are not playing me for a fool?!”
Voice : “ Oh no! Dear me! I’m only appreciating your insight into our current social, and consequently inter-personal, phenomena. Thanks for sharing with me. And I was living in a fool’s paradise, thinking how Love can cure all Ills. And not knowing that actually all Ills cure Love!”
Me : “Oh, you flatter me. You see, one only needs to keep the eyes and ears open.”

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love again!!!!!!!!!

My New Experience!!!

Amar latest experience – Nimtolla Maha Shmashaan.
Mrityu khub kach theke,in fact barir bhetore theke dekhechi. Kintu Shmashaan ei prothom darshan holo jibone.

Onek golpo shunechilam agey, shmashaan niye. Ei ekta abhigyata dekhechi loke besh gambhirjer shonge, athacha tariye-tariye bole thake. Mane jahir korte chai je shey jiboner ek abhinna anga ke dekheche. Bojhate chai je shey jibon ke ultimately bujhte pereche.

Shey ek besh jayga. Amar Maa’r oboshyo ichhe chilo na je ami jai, kintu shesh-mesh ek mesho maa ke bojhalen je “or to life er practical jinish gulo dekha uchit”. Ta ami onar kache kritogyo thakbo.
Khulei boli. Amar dida mara gelen. Prochondo ekta active life lead korar porey, besh 7-8 mash bhuge ebong shojja-shayee theke, obosheshe tini biday nilen. Ek Monday morning blue laden mon niye office jachhi, emon shomoy khobor elo je uni ar nei. Kajei office er kachh thekei gari ghurie ghotona-sthole pouchute holo. Prochondo ekta uneasy feeling hochhilo. Bhaggish Saturday te dida r kache gechilam. Noile to ar dekhtei partam na! God is there. He makes sure that everything happens in good time.

Let me come back to the actual point I want to make. Or is there a point at all? I don’t know. Let me proceed…
All relevant people were informed. And almost everyone came down to pay my dida a last visit. I guess her PR skills are to be praised!

Amar dida khub organized chilen. Agey thekei janiye rekhechilen je onake jeno Nimtolla’y niye jaw ahoy ( jehetu amar dadu keo okhanei niye jawa hoechilo- 29 years back). And that she should make her final earthly travel in one of those modern glass hearses. So Be It! Etao ekta dekhar bishoy chilo, je sheba shangasthan theke amra gari bhara korlam, tader kormi der utshaho. After all this is their bread n butter! Etao ekta profession! Agekar diney paray kichu “faltu” chele thakto, jara ar kono kaje lagto na, tara erom parapokar kore thakto. Ekhun shetai ekta organized professional service e rupantorito hoeche!

Jai hok- shmashaan jayga’tar kothay ashi. Shey ek jayga – Ganga’r dhare, purono Kolkatay. Ekta not-so-chowra rasta, jar du dhare dokaner line- cha’er dokan, pujor jinish er dokan,ityadi. Shob theke interesting, dokan guloy ganja’r kolke thore-thore shajano!!!! Baba Bhootnath er mondir tao besh laglo. Shey din ta Srabon masher shesh shombar chilo, tai shob chele-meye ra Baba Taraknath’er ( ba onno je kono shib thakurer) mathay jol dhalbar jonne okhankar dokan thekei banke kolshi boshiye, ganga theke jol bhore paye hete rowna dichilo. Aro ekta odbhut drishyo dekhlam. Ek mohila dondi kete rasta diye jachhilen ar tar shonge besh boro ekta group uthshaho dite-dite jachilo.

Amar Maa’r kora nirdesh chilo amar cousin ke “shon, o jeno eka kothao na jay. Or shonge-shonge thakbi.Shmashane nana-rokom lok thake!” – tai amar bon r ami almost sharakkhon haat dhore ghurlam. Shudhu tai noy, onnoder pechone theke guard o dilam!
Dida ke niye diye giye electric chulli’r shamne mati’te ,ekta bansher frame er opore rakha holo. Tarpor jotha-bidhi pujo holo ebong amra opekkha korte laglam shomoy’er. Tar I modhye abar ek jhamela – dom er prapyo taka. Sheta niye’o dor korte holo! Oder kache amra customer. Ora daam hakbe uchu dor’e, ar amra sheta ke ekta reasonable rate e anar cheshta korbo – etai niyom! Fortunately, amder line dite hoyni ( o yes, ekhaneo queue system ache). But amader por-por I onek gulo body eshe gelo. Tader modhye ekjon der kanna dekhe amar mone holo era bodhoy hindi-bangla cinema dekhe practice kore esheche. Amar udyeshyo tader emotions ke aghaat kora noy. Kintu kanna’r shonge tara je dialogue dichilo, tate ami erom na bhebe thakte parlam na. Amake khoma korben.

Ek shomoy amader bola holo je ei baar ashol kaj hobe. Dida ke chulli’r dike niye jabe, emon shomoy hothat dekhlam kotha theke ek gada chele-chokra’r ekta dol eshe hajir hoe gelo. Eder ke etokkhon kotthao dekhini. Tader ke bhed kore chulli ta dekha’I amar kache ekta challenge hoe daralo. Yes,amar besh interest chilo chulli ta dekha’r. Kono idea chilo na amar byapar ta kemon hobe.
Chulli te time lagey 45 minutes. So went to have tea and biscuits to kill the time. Ami ar okhanei biscuit khete parlam na – khanik’ta unhygienic bhebe, ar khanik’ta ichhe korchilo na khete.
Shob shesh hole, Ganga’y asthi bishorjon diye shurjasto dekhlam. Drishya’ta khub mon chhuye gelo.

Apnara hoyto bhabchen je shmashane giye ami eto objectively ei shob ki kore notice korlam. Especially jokhon amar nijer Dida chole gelen. But the point is that, okhane jawar minute khaneker modhyei amar modhye shmashaan boiraggyo eshe giyechilo. Amar khali mone holo “ei khanei tahole ashte hobe.”.Full-stop. Er modhye kono argument er jayga nei. Kono choice nei. Kono size nei. Kono discount nei. Kono options nei. Kono exchange offer nei.